This is the summer of 19 and I am at my Pacific Coffee barista job. At times I need a personal reminder to keep myself going with ease, and mine is this: We are all just here for the salary. Also I really just like to be left alone making coffee because it puts me in a zen-like state.
I think our summer began with Troye Sivan’s Bloom concert; we had not even finished our sociolingustics exam that day. I think non-local culture feels somewhat distant until I have experienced them in person; and that is why a lot of self-love in his songs did not come through until I have heard them at the concert. And I understood that I had no one to share my feelings to, because we all have a lot of memories associated with the songs, and I am a little too intense for other people.
School Of Life says it is hard to find people to connect to, and that is why we make art, in hopes that our thought transcend through time and geographical distance; those who understand are hard to find, and that is why we feel just a little lonely all the time. I think because of that I started a r/audiocandy account, and also I want to be a part of this community that taught me how to speak kind things and become soft-spoken. That was my April.
In May I met someone, and he became the rest of my summer. In a way. Long story short he is the boy I had dreamed of all my life; he does ballet, he is sensitive, my novels full of details with no one to understand become endless details I wish to tell him, and he has all the time in the world. He is beautiful. What is worth mentioning is that r/audiocandy r/pillowtalkaudio and Troye Sivan’s Bloom tour prepared me for him. They made me avaliable, self-loving and communicative. That was May.
My June was spent in Europe, while Hong Kong was in chaos. Can’t say “I’ve never been out of Asia before” when people say my English is good anymore, I suppose. I understood that I really need to mindlessly chat with my friends because I am an extrovert. I spend the rest of my time practicing witchcraft and Chicago the musical.
Except for those, I spent the rest of my time watching porn and on the boy. We talk every day. Then I started looking for a job. Starbucks would not hire me. I understood that at interviews you do not need to emphasize how passionate you are about the industry; you just gotta tel them that you are interested in general, and you are hoping to stay. Have a stable job there.
At first I like it here. I like the working hours and I like making coffee. But then I hate people sticking their nose into what I am doing. This feels a ot more hopeful than the other jobs which I have had. I acttually like the title barista, I actually like the job of making coffee, I look good in the uniforms, I do not beat myself up when I disappoint other people and theey did not disclose my gender to my coworkers.
I allow myself to pick myself up and get better overtime – I believe I will get to the finish line eventually, and I will become a complete barista soon. But I really do not know how to make small talks with these office people. And that makes me feel alienated.
August includes the AntiELAB protests and Macau. Both are disappointing yet makes my toes curl. In protests, cold and unfeeling Hong Kong becomes a heartfelt utopia, Chicago feels timely because it is about a failed judicial system, corrupted moral and horny men exploiting love.
I do not even know if I miss the boy or do I just miss having company, but having him around while falling asleep at a cafe in the evening would be heavenly.
This is summer of 2019 as I remember it.
Written at the front page of a notebook for Year 3 Semester A
Steno Notes 