I am the queer
that they have nothing to ask
during truth or dare
and for a long while
I thought nobody is interested in
a boy too skinny and unattractive
with sexuality too awkward to bring up
and too disgusting to empathize with
everybody ask each other of their love life
but nobody asked me
my friend recently told me
that nobody asked me
because I seem to be the guy
Who has himself figured out
and isn’t afraid to be so open about himself
oh they didn’t know
that I used to hate myself
I grew up without male figure
that doesn’t indulge in self hate
so i turn to how I met your mother
to learn how to be a guy
and they taught me girl friends make you girl
and gay guys are fabulous but definitely not me
oh they didn’t know
that I didn’t come out as polysexual
cause bisexuals are “straight plus a little something”
And lesbians harassed me
oh they didn’t know
I didn’t come out as gender fluid
cause non binaries are “cis plus a little something”
and I don’t want to be a burden
Oh they didn’t know
that I assault myself when I feel feminine
they expect me to be effortlessly queer
and it’s not their fault they didn’t know
I am the queer
that came out too loud
who’s afraid to think about money
and sleeps all day on the couch
“We don’t hate that you’re queer
you’re just too defensive after you came out”
Every party’s a mania, then an abyss drop
then I can’t go, cause I can’t secure a job
my household split, and the halve I join
speaks different love language from me
I read psychology, trying to fix me
then my home said stop all the complaining
and now I realize my mental illness
took so much from me
cant feel no loving, everybody hates me, ??????
oh I didn’t know
when my family does shit they mean well
oh they didn’t know
when I speak it’s a cry for help
glamorous boys vogue the house down
when mine just brought me down
oh they didn’t know
how to handle a sensitive boy as me
Oh I didn’t know
My party’s higher than the rest
cause they’re looking for a good time
and I’m looking for a second family
they expect me to be effortlessly queer
but I can’t, I’m battling something alone in here
Steno Notes 