What I am about to say is private and honest.
People associate being submissive with vulnerability. Indeed, I am not sure if I can put it this way: Being submissive is putting your totality in someone’s palms, and you are this delicate, vulnerable little being in someone’s hands, that they could fondle, and they can torment. They know through torment it evokes bliss in you, and they guide you through that exhaustion which leads at last to a release. They are to hold you dearly in their palms, now with your knots untied, and hold you until you are whole again.
I myself would not agree, because that’s not how I viewed it. To me being submissive is like a pole dance. The dancer allures you, and they are this malleable being, that reach, and offer as they spin, and occasionally you see them fall apart, and offers, and reach, and shrink, and allure, and fall apart all over again. I don’t think submissives offer as much as people imagine. I think being submissive is to be malleable, to be almost like water, to blend, and to melt, and embrace when also looking for the crack in the other person. And you stand at the gates of somewhere dark, then eventually finding yourself already in, and you penetrates into the small cracks and caves that no one else knows of. Or frequents. To be submissive is to be flexible and penetrative, you gain insights, and catch whatever pours out of your Dominants through their seams. You become a soft place where they fall, then you embrace them in, no matter how primal, now odd or private their fantasies are. That is submissiveness according to me. Dominants might think they hold our totality in their hands, they may think I am offering that totality. But it was not them, but my pole which I cling onto. I am merely a dancer flirting with the idea that I fall apart onto you. I do not offer so much of myself except my flexibility and that soft place of acceptance, as opposed to what many imagine.
What I am trying to say is, that I think being a dominant is a way more vulnerable experience than being a submissive. Being a submissive is to offer that malleability and soft place, to adopt and accept; but to be dominant you need to know what you want, then plan and lead the dynamic there, you need to express and be confident in what you want. I think fantasies are primal, there’s no logical reasons behind a desire, or there are, but there’s nothing you can change about them. Therefore, when your fantasies get rejected, it would feel very close to rejecting the core of who you are which lead to those wants. Also, to be a Dominant is to be the voice of authority, and to be frank I do not have the answers to everything. I always keep my options open, because more discussions always lead to more possibilities. It takes a lot of confidence to be the model answer, when there are always alternatives available. I think there’s a certain romance, in the submissive knowing the dominant has more to offer, and that those he give in hear of the moment is not the best he could give, but that is alright, because they would have all the time in the world to explore all the possibilities, including the best ones, the bad ones and the mediocre ones. And most importantly, what have I done, to have deserved holding all these tenderness in my clasp? Why am I deserving? Thank you, for considering me deserving. This thought makes me want to bury myself on your neck and breathe your hair with gratitude.
In short, many often associate submissiveness with vulnerability, but personally I find being a Dominant way more vulnerable than people believe.
Steno Notes 